There are no stages in grief. And certainly not five of them. There are many myths and misunderstandings when it comes to the complex world of grief and bereavement. Perhaps the idea that as a grieving person, you can expect to go through five different emotional states and in this particular sequence, has become one of the most pervasive and confusing.

Whether you’re going through loss yourself or helping someone through it, here are 12 thoughts that might help you make sense of what’s happening.